More Excerpts from Wanderland

This is probably the last time I’ll be posting excerpts from Wanderland. Just so’s you know. One day I might want to, I don’t know, get it published or something. But I loved shared some snippets last week, so I thought I’d do a few more!

I think these are even rougher than last week’s, so bear in mind that this is a FIRST DRAFT. If you didn’t catch last week’s, they’re here.

Also, I thought I’d mention that it’s an Alice in Wonderland retelling, but it also (wow, I like the word also) has lots of mentions to other fairytales, nursery rhymes and things like that. And it is so. Much. Fun. To write.

I hope you enjoy them 🙂

Snippet One


From Chapter 11, in which Alice and company visit Dreary Lane and meet the Muffin Man 

‘All who enter my house must earn their entry,’ said the Muffin Man. ‘Are you willing?’

I saluted. ‘Reading and willing.’

Nobody else seemed to find this amusing.

‘If the be to which go way even for not on with would come most us give.’

‘Is it just me or did that not make any sense?’ I whispered to Mum.

‘Didn’t make any sense,’ she whispered back.

‘Erm, could you possibly repeat that?’

He sighed. ‘Their because is do on as not you than only in they.’

I was pretty sure that was a different sentence. But as there was nothing much to argue with, I sat flummoxed for a few moments. ‘Is that— are you…why did…is this the…I don’t even….’

‘Correct.’ The Muffin Man gave his small smile. ‘Next question.’

Mum’s face was as perplexed as mine when I stole a glance at her. ‘I know I’m old,’ she said, ‘But I think he might have a different definition of “question” than even you young ones have.’

We were speaking at normal level now, but the Muffin Man either ignored us or couldn’t hear us. It didn’t seem to matter either way. ‘What’s the next question, Mr Muffin Man?’

‘What’s not an orange?’ he said with great dignity.

‘A great many things,’ I said immediately. ‘For instance, lemons aren’t oranges, and neither are ostriches. If you get down to it, neither are mandarins, though they are quite close.’

The Muffin Man sniffed and then grinned his creepy grin. ‘Wrong. The correct answer is “a pencil, because motorbikes don’t have windows.” Good day to you.’

(I figured it was time for some Tim Burton gif love)

Snippet Two


Chapter 12, in which Alice and company reach the Castle of Hearts and meet some Footmen

Two men stood on either side of the large double doors. They wore smart crimson suits, although they looked a little odd because the men weren’t really men at all. The one on the left looked more like a fish, and the one on the right seemed a little frog-like. The Frog-Footman and Fish-Footman both bowed as we approached. ‘Go away.’

It seemed such a solemn way to tell someone to nick off that I burst out laughing.

‘You are not on the invitation list,’ said the Frog-Footman.

I folded my arms. ‘How do you know if you haven’t consulted an invitation list?’

They glanced sideways at each other. The Fish-Footman answered. ‘The Red Queen has not informed us of your attendence at the Lantern Festival.’

‘Seeing as though the Red Queen is now the Blood Orange Queen, and resides in the land of Tramautumn, I find that distinctly hard to believe.’

They consulted with each other again. The Frog-Footman drew himself up to his full height. ‘All the better to eat you with, my child.’

‘I give up,’ I muttered.

Charlie came to the front. He was not one to let nonsense get the better of him. ‘Am I on your list, O Virtuous Ones?’

‘He’s got an ’ead like a turnip,’ said the Fish-Footman in a sudden, and very loud, English accent.


No, I’m kidding, she doesn’t. Besides, she’s actually the Blood Orange Queen and she resides in the Orange land of Tramautumn.

Snippet Three

Chapter 13, in which Moon (one of my favourite characters) sings to the stars. Because of what’s happening in Wanderland, he was removed from the sky and now resides in Maddenheart.

‘Twinkle, twinkle, little stars

How I wonder where you are.

Up above and out of touch

Below the sky I love so much

Twinkle, twinkle, little stars

The path to you is much too far.’

And then the stars sing back to him:

Twinkle, twinkle, little moon
You’ll be here shining oh so soon.
Up above your Lammentear
Above the land you hold so dear

Twinkle, twinkle, little moon
Sleeping now, he’ll dream ’til noon.

The only sad part is that he can’t hear them.


I’m currently at about 34,000 words and my outline runs out very soon. Alice and co. are still in Maddenheart, and I only outlined Maddenheart, but soon they’ll be in Tramautumn then Solsabbia, which I HAVEN’T planned. So maybe I’ll experience some pantsing. THE HORROR. Still. This might be the longest book I’ve ever written, which is exciting.

Would you read more? And also, what are your favourite fairytales? This retelling of Alice in Wonderland has suddenly sprouted many other fairytale characters, so I’m curious as to your favourites.


13 thoughts on “More Excerpts from Wanderland

  1. I love the first excerpt! The Muffin Man is so hilarious and nonsensical; it makes me feel as if I’m reading the original Alice in Wonderland itself because it definitely captures the style of the original story. How is this a first draft? The excerpts are so good! Pffftttt…..outlines. I take all this time creating an elaborate outline before I write because I can’t actually finish a novel without one. I’ve tried writing a novel before, but I never got far because I barely used an outline. However, now that I used an outline, I’m actually writing my first novel and making progress on it. The thing is, my outline is rendered useless after about 5k because I start writing a completely different story with different major plot points and plot twists and an ending. What can I say? I like following all of the rabbit trails-just like Alice!

    • You are too kind! I’ve read the original Alice so many times I’ve lost count, so maybe I’ve absorbed some of it, haha. Although of course I could never claim even being CLOSE to as good as Lewis Carroll. Oh god, I can’t finish without an outline either – that said, I usually don’t follow the outline so there you go. The characters take charge most of the time 🙂

  2. I love this so much and would read the entire book! It’s so great!

    I’ve never written a retelling but it sounds like a lot of fun and I’d like to do it one day.

    I normally don’t love Tim Burton very much, but his Alice and Wonderland is AMAZING! Did you hear they’re coming out with a second??

    Great job and I hope to see it on the shelves one day! I would definitely pick it up. 🙂

  3. AAAH I LOVE THESE! Seriously, reading all these little teasers make me just want to dive in and see the whole thing in its awesome completion 🙂 If this is what a *first* draft looks like, it’s so exciting to think of what a final product would be. Fantastic job Em, these excerpts all stand out as examples of excellent storytelling! *waves pompoms* You can do this, and keep writing, because you obviously have natural talent 🙂

  4. I LOVE ALL THE EXCERPTS. But you make me sad that the moon can’t hear the stars. That’s not fair. What did the poor moon ever do? Anyway: THIS IS EXCELLENT. I’m agreeing with Eugenia up there ^^ too. This is just a first draft??! It’s freaking brilliant.

  5. Pingback: This Week: Stacking the Shelves and School Again | The Loony Teen Writer

  6. Pingback: Wanderland Excerpt Number Three! | The Loony Teen Writer

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