This is probably the last time I’ll be posting excerpts from Wanderland. Just so’s you know. One day I might want to, I don’t know, get it published or something. But I loved shared some snippets last week, so I thought I’d do a few more!
I think these are even rougher than last week’s, so bear in mind that this is a FIRST DRAFT. If you didn’t catch last week’s, they’re here.
Also, I thought I’d mention that it’s an Alice in Wonderland retelling, but it also (wow, I like the word also) has lots of mentions to other fairytales, nursery rhymes and things like that. And it is so. Much. Fun. To write.
I hope you enjoy them 🙂
From Chapter 11, in which Alice and company visit Dreary Lane and meet the Muffin Man
‘All who enter my house must earn their entry,’ said the Muffin Man. ‘Are you willing?’
I saluted. ‘Reading and willing.’
Nobody else seemed to find this amusing.
‘If the be to which go way even for not on with would come most us give.’
‘Is it just me or did that not make any sense?’ I whispered to Mum.
‘Didn’t make any sense,’ she whispered back.
‘Erm, could you possibly repeat that?’
He sighed. ‘Their because is do on as not you than only in they.’
I was pretty sure that was a different sentence. But as there was nothing much to argue with, I sat flummoxed for a few moments. ‘Is that— are you…why did…is this the…I don’t even….’
‘Correct.’ The Muffin Man gave his small smile. ‘Next question.’
Mum’s face was as perplexed as mine when I stole a glance at her. ‘I know I’m old,’ she said, ‘But I think he might have a different definition of “question” than even you young ones have.’
We were speaking at normal level now, but the Muffin Man either ignored us or couldn’t hear us. It didn’t seem to matter either way. ‘What’s the next question, Mr Muffin Man?’
‘What’s not an orange?’ he said with great dignity.
‘A great many things,’ I said immediately. ‘For instance, lemons aren’t oranges, and neither are ostriches. If you get down to it, neither are mandarins, though they are quite close.’
The Muffin Man sniffed and then grinned his creepy grin. ‘Wrong. The correct answer is “a pencil, because motorbikes don’t have windows.” Good day to you.’
(I figured it was time for some Tim Burton gif love)
Chapter 12, in which Alice and company reach the Castle of Hearts and meet some Footmen
Two men stood on either side of the large double doors. They wore smart crimson suits, although they looked a little odd because the men weren’t really men at all. The one on the left looked more like a fish, and the one on the right seemed a little frog-like. The Frog-Footman and Fish-Footman both bowed as we approached. ‘Go away.’
It seemed such a solemn way to tell someone to nick off that I burst out laughing.
‘You are not on the invitation list,’ said the Frog-Footman.
I folded my arms. ‘How do you know if you haven’t consulted an invitation list?’
They glanced sideways at each other. The Fish-Footman answered. ‘The Red Queen has not informed us of your attendence at the Lantern Festival.’
‘Seeing as though the Red Queen is now the Blood Orange Queen, and resides in the land of Tramautumn, I find that distinctly hard to believe.’
They consulted with each other again. The Frog-Footman drew himself up to his full height. ‘All the better to eat you with, my child.’
‘I give up,’ I muttered.
Charlie came to the front. He was not one to let nonsense get the better of him. ‘Am I on your list, O Virtuous Ones?’
‘He’s got an ’ead like a turnip,’ said the Fish-Footman in a sudden, and very loud, English accent.
*RED QUEEN BURSTS IN*
No, I’m kidding, she doesn’t. Besides, she’s actually the Blood Orange Queen and she resides in the Orange land of Tramautumn.
Chapter 13, in which Moon (one of my favourite characters) sings to the stars. Because of what’s happening in Wanderland, he was removed from the sky and now resides in Maddenheart.
‘Twinkle, twinkle, little stars
How I wonder where you are.
Up above and out of touch
Below the sky I love so much
Twinkle, twinkle, little stars
The path to you is much too far.’
And then the stars sing back to him:
Twinkle, twinkle, little moon
You’ll be here shining oh so soon.
Up above your Lammentear
Above the land you hold so dear
Twinkle, twinkle, little moon
Sleeping now, he’ll dream ’til noon.
The only sad part is that he can’t hear them.
I’m currently at about 34,000 words and my outline runs out very soon. Alice and co. are still in Maddenheart, and I only outlined Maddenheart, but soon they’ll be in Tramautumn then Solsabbia, which I HAVEN’T planned. So maybe I’ll experience some pantsing. THE HORROR. Still. This might be the longest book I’ve ever written, which is exciting.